Belly Fat

Over the past month or so I have been pretty down in the dumps and my eating has really gotten pretty crappy.  I looked in the mirror today from the side and saw the evil evil effects of eating such crap.  The belly fat.  My belly is not getting smaller anymore as the rest of me is.  I have no doubt that this is in fact due to the poor food choices lately. 

So, with a new determination to not be a fatty for the rest of my life I fixed the food situation in the house.  All of the foods that Adam refuses to give up and the foods for Addie are in the pantry.  There is nothing at all in the pantry that I need.  I won't even open the door.  My protein powder has been moved to the counter so that I don't have to go in to the pantry to get it.  I have a shelf in the cupboard next to the refrigerator with healthy foods and I have two shelves and a drawer for "my" food. 

I can't complain too much about Adam's food choices because he really has changed his habits quite a bit over the last six months and I think in time he will come around to trying even more things.  What a good sport!  So to anyone who reads this I need all the support I can get!  Remind me to make healthy food choices.  If you have a favorite recipe you would like to share please do so!  Encourage me to exercise every day.  I am sure that I probably could do this alone if I had to, but I have so many amazing encouraging people in my life that I choose not to do it alone! 

Really not sure why I wait so long in between posts because I find this to be a great way to remember my journey and track my progress.  I started therapy last week and I am so glad that I did!  While the weight loss has been wonderful and quick, there is no way to completely fix my weight issues without fixing my head issues too.  My whole life I have been the fat girl.  I have been picked on relentlessly by people as a child and made to feel inferior as an adult.  My life however wouldn't be so filled with wonderful people if it weren't for that experience.  God gave me the challenges that he did to make me stronger and more accepting and I am thankful for that.  What I am not thankful for is having to rearrange my insides to get control of my weight and my eating.  That too has taught me a few lessons along the way as well and I continue to learn every day. 

With starting therapy I am learning how to accept myself for who I am.  I am learning that it is ok to be a little shell shocked when I look in the mirror because 140 lbs in 6 months is a lot of freaking weight!  It is scary though to see this change so rapidly.  Imagine for your self...What you have come to know of yourself for 28 years (or however long for yourself) is suddenly changed in such a short time.  You look different, you feel different, people interact with you differently...your WHOLE LIFE is different.  It takes a little getting used to. 

I read a post this week in one of my support groups and the person said something to the effect of that they didn't have the surgery to be a patient their whole life.  I really couldn't have said it better myself!  I did not have this surgery to eat like a patient for the rest of my life.  I had this surgery to help me gain control of the situation that is my weight and to help me learn to eat the way I was made to eat...to LIVE!  I have days where I eat a little too much junk and days where I don't exercise as much as I should, but ya know what, that is life!  I no longer suffer from hypertension, daily headaches, joint pain and severe back pain.  I would say that my joint pain is pretty much non existent and my back pain is minimal at most.

I have a little less than 100 lbs to get to my personal goal, and 72 lbs to get to my surgeons goal.  I can do this.  There is no time limit.  If for some reason I don't get there by the 1 year mark that is ok.  This isn't a quick fix and it takes time.  I have stalls and weeks (usually once a month) where I gain a pound or two for a week.  So be it!  So why beat myself up about it?  So my resolution (even though it's not new years) is to be kind to myself.  To love myself.  And to cut myself some slack and enjoy my life and stop freaking out about numbers.  I will continue to work towards my weight loss goals and in doing so hopefully teach Addie about eating healthy and still enjoying life!

WLS Recipes...

This is the area where I will be posting recipes I have come up with for those of us who don't eat regular food anymore!  And...they are yummy (or I totally wouldn't eat it)!  HaHa!

Shrimp & Quinoa Pseudo-Pasta  (My very picky husband and my toddler even loved it!)

1 cup quinoa rinsed and cooked

1 Tbsp butter

2 big handfuls of pre cooked frozen shrimp thawed and tails removed

1 large zucchini

½ large sweet vadalia onion

2 small cans of basil oregano tomato sauce

1 can Italian stewed tomatoes drained

1 Generous handful of Italian blend shredded cheese

¼ cup half and half

squirt of lemon juice

salt and pepper

Italian seasoning

Garlic (jar)

Combine chopped shrimp, butter, garlic, salt, pepper, and Italian seasoning in pan and cook on medium high heat.  Add stewed tomatoes, zucchini, and onion.  Let simmer for a few minutes uncovered.  Add 1 can tomato sauce, half and half, and lemon juice.  Continue to simmer.  Start cooking quinoa as directed on packaging.  Add cooked quinoa, second can of tomato sauce, cheese, more pepper and garlic (if desired).  Top with shredded cheese if desired.  ENJOY! J

The next recipe is compliments of a friend with a few of my own modifications:

Stuffed Peppers:

4 Bell peppers

1 cup quinoa

1 ¼ cup beef broth

1 lb ground beef

½ onion

1 can diced tomatos

Salt

Pepper

Garlic

Italian seasoning

Red pepper

Cut tops off peppers and clean them out.  Cook quinoa in beef broth.  Brown ground beef with onion and diced tomatoes and spices.  Mix cooked quinoa with beef mixture and stuff peppers.  Bake at 375 for 40 minutes.  Top with shredded cheese and return to oven until cheese is melted and bubbly.

Iced Protein Coffee:

8 oz water

6 oz skim milk

1 scoop favorite vanilla protein powder (we use vanilla bean V-Core)

1 Starbucks via packet

SF vanilla/caramel/hazelnut (your preference) coffee syrup to taste

Ice

This one is so good my husband (who doesn't drink coffee) even likes it!  

Stallllllllllllllll :(

Well my weight loss has stalled lately.  Very sad day!  However I am not going to be too sad because I have still lost 130 lbs since January of this year!  That is really saying something!  My problem is the snacks!  I must not snack, I must not snack, I must not snack.  For some reason in my mind I think that I can control it, but alas, I can not.  Therefore I can not buy them.  I have not been out long enough to be able to control the cravings and snacks.  I have been letting soda in occasionally using my headaches and need for caffeine as an excuse.  So I am once again banning soda.  All soda...FOREVER!  I have also been letting chips back in which also must stop IMMEDIATELY!  No more!  As of right this minute I am getting back on track!  My shopping experience today made me realize how much I am enjoying my weight loss and if I keep on this track of snacking and excuses I won't ever get to my goal weight.  So I need EVERYONES support!  Help me not to snack.  Help me to find something better than soda to drink when I am craving something of the sort.  I have those MIO drink things so why am I not using them?  Good question...I will let you know when I figure it out.  But none the less I need support and encouragement.  I see other WLS patients snacking and for some reason it leads me to believe that I can snack too...but I just can't.  I deserve to get to my goal weight.  I have worked far too hard to give up now!

On a side note.....
My shopping experience for scrubs today was incredible.  In the six months since surgery I went from a 5XL to a XL!!!  How freaking amazing is that?  I am still having a hard time wrapping my head around it.

It's been a while

I know it has been a while since I have posted last, but my life has been so wonderfully busy and full now that I am no longer hindered by my weight.  I am loving my new found energy and stamina to keep up with Addison!  I am so glad that I get the chance to be the mom I always wanted to be.  I never wanted to be that mom who couldn't run and play with her kids because of her weight so it really means a lot to me that I can do these things.  I really am blessed to have a second chance!  This blog is going to be short and sweet because honestly, I have better things to do :)  <3 you all!!!

Are you ready for this?!?!

Alright everyone are you ready for this?  As of today I have lost 100 lbs!  That is right....100 lbs!  Gone.  Forever.  Praise the lord!  Now, because I am kind of an odd duck I wanted to help people gain some insight into what 100 lbs really is.  Adam and I went to Whole Foods tonight and found some really awesome people to help us out who were just as excited about my success as we are.  They were all too willing to take part in my shenanigans, which I must admit...I kind of love!  We wanted to show everyone what 100 lbs of butter looked like, but they didn't have enough of it for us to stack up, so we went with the white devil....flour.  Here are my pictures of the fun we had at Whole Foods...

This one was taken just a few days ago. Right before I hit the 100 lb mark!

My very supportive hubs! <3 him!

100 lbs of flour folks!  100 lbs!

Was that really necessary?

Well as per my previous post I was to have a stent placed in my stricture which I did on Tuesday April 24th.  Let me just say that I have had this stricture dilated twice previously and it did not hurt.  In fact my husband and I went shopping afterwards.  This time however, was an entirely different story!  I woke up in such horrendous pain and could not stop retching.  I told my nurse repeatedly how badly it hurt and I felt as though she wasn't listening to me.  She kept closing the door to my room because my retching and crying was apparently too loud.  Now, let me share something with you.  I feel no need to stifle my feelings especially pain.  Speaking as a fellow nurse, closing the door to your patients room because they are making noise as a result of pain is unacceptable.  Subsequently I was sent home on Lortab elixir just as I was after my initial surgery back in January as well as Zofran ODT.  Zofran ODT gets foamy, which isn't necessarily the best thing for someone who is already nauseous.  I literally laid in bed from Tuesday to Friday getting up only to pee.  I am not one to lay around after a procedure of any sort but the pain was excruciating!  This pain from a little stent was by far worse than the pain from having my guts rearranged.    This whole time since the stent had been placed I had been informing the surgeons office of the excruciating pain, nausea, and incessant vomiting but I was getting no where fast.  I was told that the reason that I didn't feel well was because there was no food in my stomach.  Well, let me just say I am sure I am not the only person out there who would be unable to tolerate food if they can't even tolerate their own saliva.  Thank God for my friend JennB who decided I was in rough shape and traveled 3 hours to come help me and take care of me.  She had been at our home for about three to four hours when she decided thats enough we are going to the hospital.  I explained to her just as I did to the surgeons office that it was very painful to take a deep breath and she had been witnessing me retching for the entire time she had been there...literally.

We get checked in to the ER and go through all that rigamarole and they do an abdominal CT and find nothing except inflammation.  They gave me IV pain medication and nausea medication and I was able to rest for about an hour, which is more than I had in days.  After the ER doctor spoke with the on call surgeon they decided I could either go home with a script for phenergan or I could stay in the hospital.  Being the ever indecisive person that I am I couldn't make up my mind.  I knew what I should do, but I also knew what I wanted to do.  We came up with the idea to try some water and see if it would stay down....no go.  Jenn helped me understand that this is where I need to be for now and that I am not going to get better if I don't let them help me.  So I stayed.

Five days later, and I am still here.  In my opinion I should be able to go home tomorrow, but of course none of this is up to me.  I will cooperate and do what they want me to do and I will give myself time to heal.  I got my intermittent FMLA set up which will protect my job, but of course this will all affect my income.  But I am trying to be in the mindset that my health is more valuable than a pay check.  Thankfully we have family who would be willing to help us out if it came down to it, and honestly we have been through tougher times than this and we will again in the future I'm sure.

It has been a busy couple of weeks.

I haven't posted in a while because we have had a lot going on.  I was taking statistics which was pretty darn rough, I was admitted to the hospital because of another stricture, then the following weekend my daughter was admitted to the hospital.  I never really considered myself a "stress eater," but now I most certainly would.  Before surgery I always just thought I was hungry, and never really noticed an increase in food intake when my life was more stressful.  These last few weeks have helped me to realize that when the sh!t hits the fan, I go for the snacks.  This is yet another reason why people need to understand that weight loss surgery is NOT taking the easy way out.  While I am able to use my weight loss surgery to help me realize what hungry and full feels like it doesn't fix the stuff that goes on in our heads.  It certainly does not take away the desire to self medicate with food when life gets rough.

On another note.  I have another stricture.  This is my third which means that I will go in again for an EGD and dilation of the stricture, however this time he will place a stent in the opening for roughly one to two weeks and then remove it.  Doc says the success rate of this versus just dilating every time is much more.  He did however say that it can be pretty uncomfortable and has had to have some people stay in the hospital while the stent was in place so let's pray that I don't need that because I certainly do not have time to sit on my butt in the hospital for a week or two.

Finally...and this is a little on the blunt side...weight loss surgery constipate is as bad as pregnancy constipation!  Honestly!  I am literally gaining weight now because I am full of poo!  It may be time to break out the mag citrate.  The thought of that makes me sad :(  

Loves!

NSV! (Non-Scale Victory!)

While standing in the kitchen this morning hugging my husband:

Adam: "Holy Sneakers!"
Me: "What?"
Adam: "You are like really getting skinny!"

I died laughing a little!  Before surgery he could get his arms around me but it was a tight squeeze, and now he has all kinds of room he doesn't know what to do with!

All of the small bumps in the road with this surgery are completely worth it if you keep your eye on the prize!

Perspective

The photo of me at my highest weight which I unfortunately maintained for several months was taken on vacation.  The much better photo (in my opinion) was taken today.  Holy smokes!

A little insight

Alright everyone.  I got on the scale this morning after breakfast and was a little surprised to see that I am continuing to lose weight since I have been a little naughty with the food this week.  If you recall, in my last post I was down 55 from day of surgery 65 from highest weight.  And remember, my surgery was on 1/24/12, a mere 65 days ago.  As of today I am down 61 pounds from day of surgery and 71 pounds from highest weight.  Although this has not been a walk in the park and I have had some troubles with nausea and vomiting I will say that this journey has been entirely worth it.  I know it sounds cliche, but gastric bypass saved my life and is still saving my life!  And to those of you are are cheering me on and who are there to listen to be bitch when I am having a bad day.  THANK YOU.  Without getting too sappy and sentimental, I want you to know that without all this support I wouldn't be as successful and you are just as much a tool in my weight loss journey as the surgery itself.  So, thank you!  You will never know how much it means to me.


I have friends in overalls whose friendship I would not swap for the favor of the kings of the world.Thomas A. Edison

A new day and a new dress!

Today I am down 55 lbs from the day of surgery and 65 lbs from my highest weight.  It is amazing to be able to do to things I want to do and not get short of breath.  I feel more confident and certainly happier.  I am so happy that I let the doctor know how badly I was feeling for a while there because I am all fixed up now :)  No more pain and no more throwing up!  Today I went to Target because I couldn't sleep.  I ended up buying myself a few more of my favorite shirts and a dress.  The dress is equivalent to a size 22/24 which I haven't worn in years!  The only thing that would make my life better than it is right now would be to be done with statistics and have a decent grade :)
I am looking forward to the changes to come and seeing what I am going to look like.  I know I will have loose skin and be a little saggy in places, but I'd much rather be saggy than dead!  There is always time to get a little lift and tuck down the road hehe
I hope you all are enjoying this beautiful spring weather.  We certainly are!

Well now that I know I have more readers than I thought :)

Ok, flat out...I would rather have dumping syndrome for hours than drink ISOPURE.  Oh my good lord it is so foul!  I was hoping that since it resembled gatorade it would taste similar with some protein added.  Not so much!  Go ahead and try it if you think I am wrong.  I tried the blue, but I won't be trying any others.  No Gracias!

On another note...I am down a few more pounds.  Nearly 45 total!  I am kind of surprised because I ate two sugar cookies this week and did a little snacking here and there (Thank you PMS).  But keep in mind my snacking is like 4 or 5 crackers or a handful of peanuts.  Not a bag of cookies as it use to be.  Let's just be honest here.  I didn't get fat off of carrots and celery haha!

Another accomplishment today.  I took Addie to lunch at Wheatfields (an absolutely amazing bakery where they make my favorite cake!) and I was totally fine walking out with out any sweets!  AND my wedding rings fit again!  How exciting!  For now I only get to wear my engagement ring as my wedding band had several loose stones to be fixed so in a few weeks I will get to have both on again!

I go back to work on March 12th and I am really excited!  I am afraid they will think I am an idiot since I haven't done post partum since school, but I am really hoping it all comes back quickly.  I have been caring for adults since graduation (other than my child of course), but I really think everything will be fine.  Everyone seems so nice and I am really excited to do something different!  AND several people including my new manager have had bariatric surgeries so what a great support system and group of resources!

Done rambling for now.  Lots of love.
“Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.” ~Dennis P. Kimbro

Shopping

Alright for those of you who can appreciate having to buy women's sizes...today was an amazing day.  For the first time since sometime in high school I was able to buy a sweater size 18/20.  I tried on the 22/24 just incase because I didn't want to get my hopes up and it was too big.  I don't believe I have uttered those words "too big" in ages!  So even though the sweater was a little more than I usually spend on clothes for myself I bought it because it made me feel good.  Now, for those of you who don't know what it is like to have to buy women's sizes trust me this is a big deal.  It is bold of me to say sizes of me where other people can read it but this was an exciting day.  And I know the only people who read this blabbering on are people who are about me anyway so whatever haha.  Lots of Love!

Hooray for NSV's

Huge NSV today!  For those of you who don't know what I am talking about a NSV is a non scale victory.  Today was the first day I tried on clothes in the store since surgery.  I finally, for the first time in years went down in size!  How incredible!  What a feeling!  And to top it off I am finally getting compliments about how good I am looking.  Of course I don't see it because in my eyes I will always be the fat girl, but for other people to see my weight loss and my efforts makes me feel good.

On another note.  Food is kind of touch and go these days.  Some days I am fine, other days everything makes me sick.  I eat a lot of yogurt and cheese and milk these days because that is the only thing that never makes me sick.  Just taking it day by day right now.

So keep praying for me to keep going with my journey and let's all have positive thoughts and always remember....

"With God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26

Finally on the move again

The scale finally moved again today.  I have decided I am no longer weighing myself at home at this point because I get too obsessed with it.  Soooo going by the doctor's scale I am down 39 lbs!  Wow!  It's good to know after a bit of a stressful week that all is as it should be.  The interesting thing is that I don't see the weight loss but other people do and my clothes are much looser.  I'll take what I can get :)

Valentine's day...or week...whatever.

Valentines day is upon us...again.  It isn't so much a day in this house as it is a whole week long event.  Friday night Adam and I went to the opening of "The Vow" and it was really good.  It would have been even better if the entire theater hadn't been filled with obnoxious teenagers.  I really don't remember being that annoying when I was their age, perhaps I am wrong.  Either way it was a cute movie and the male lead is certainly not hard on the eyes :)  

I ordered my husband's give online this year.  It was a great purchase for several reasons.  The first reason being that I ordered and paid online and picked it up in the store.  How easy!  The second reason being...HE LOVED IT!  I got him a new cordless drill.  He has been wanting one for quite some time so he was very appreciative.  Then we ventured off to Pandora to get a new charm for my bracelet.  Adam being the sap that he is insisted that it have meaning to it and a specific meaning in particular.  It was really important to him that the charm represent strength.  According to him I am a strong woman and he is really proud of how strong I have been through out my weight loss journey.  How sweet!  Speaking of sweet....then we went to Orange Leaf, one of the new froyo joints in town.  YUMMO!  Way better than Red Mango!  And they have sugar free!  Can't beat that!  

So since this blog is about my weight loss journey...I got sugar free frozen yogurt and a special "strength" charm to remind me of my journey.  <3  Happy Valentine's Day!

Top picture is my darling beautiful daughter on her 1st birthday and the second is my wonderful hubby and Addie having a great time in the aquarium at the zoo this past summer.  <3

Not my best day ever.

I don't feel all that great today.  To be very blunt about it all....I am constipated.  Very constipated.  The only thing that is working for me right now is egg drop soup.  Anytime I try to eat something else it makes my stomach hurt more.  Today is just a bump in the road to success and all will be right back on track soon.  I am hoping that if I just stick with soup and water it will be all fixed up by the morning.

First stall in the road.

I am almost 3 weeks out of surgery and I have hit my first stall.  I am not down about it though because I know that this is supposed to happen and it is going to be just fine.  Before long I will be right back to being a big loser!   Pre surgery I would have freaked out about hitting a stall in my weight loss, but it is so different this time.  My brain has figured out that with the incredibly small amount of calories there is no way not to lose weight.

30 pounds in 14 days! Is this really happening??

Alright folks, yesterday 2/6/2012 marks the 2 week point since surgery.  I wish I had taken pictures from the day of surgery to compare to because I am down 30 freaking pounds!  That's right people...30!!!  Yesterday I wore jeans that I haven't worn in 3 years!  I will admit I got a little teary eyed.  I am happy because I haven't seen the numbers go down on the scale in years.  Finally breathing a sigh of relief!

DUMPING IS PURE EVIL!!!

Ok....so Saturday night I had fish for dinner, which I have tried since surgery with success.  Saturday night was not so successful.  I have never experienced such pain in my stomach or should I say pouch before!  And holy diarrhea (sorry if that is TMI but that's life), and puking!  UGH!  I have concluded that I either took too big of a bite or I was eating too fast.  Either way the bottom line is DUMPING IS EVIL...PURE EVIL!

Transitioning to new foods.

I was started on soft protein not long after surgery.  I was surprised because according to most sources this is not the next step but I just wanted some actual food so I figured what the hell?  My first food was a soft boiled egg and let me tell you....it was by far the best egg I have ever had in my entire life!  It is interesting to me how different food tastes now.  Perhaps because I have to slow down so much that I can actually taste it.  I have since tried several things some have worked out...others have not haha, but it is a work in progress.

Before.

This picture was taken while on vacation at my husband's Aunt and Uncle's house in Indiana in Memorial Day weekend 2011.  I have never shared this picture before because it brings tears to my eyes to see just how bad I look.  But this is part of the journey so this is me sucking it up.

**Please keep in mind any hateful comments will not be tolerated on this blog.  If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all.  But if you so choose to comment, I reserve all rights to delete your comment if I feel it is hurtful or inappropriate.**

The Big Day!!! And the few days after...

Well Tuesday January 24th 2012 came and went.  I started my morning out with very little sleep (to no surprise) but I was able to put on my big girl pants and my brave face and head right into the hospital.  Surgery was scheduled for 10 am and we didn't get started until after 11am which was fine by me because it gave me more time to snuggle with my little girl.  Let me start by saying that my pre-op nurse, Meagan was absolutely fantastic.  Not only did she manage to get an 18 gauge in my hand with one attempt which is quite an accomplishment for anyone to do, but she even offered lidocaine before she started it!  Score!!  After snuggling with my little Addie and visiting with my family they took me back to the OR.  I got back to the OR and who do I see waiting for me?  None other than the lovely middle aged man who was so generously giving me the good drugs (The anesthesiologist).  I was really impressed with everyone's sensitivity and kindness.  At no time throughout the whole process did anyone ever make me feel like I should be ashamed or embarrassed.  Everyone treated me with such dignity and respect and I can't begin to explain how much that means to a fat girl!  When I was drifting in and out of sleep in my room later that day I found out that everything went beautifully and there were no complications.  My husband was slightly annoyed that it took three hours to get a room after surgery, but what did I care?  I was snowed!

I slept most of the day Tuesday and most of the night.  Wednesday I was to get up and start walking but I was sooo very tired!  Come to realize that my morphine PCA had a basal rate of 2/hr plus patient demand!  Holy crap!  Well no wonder I was so tired, jeez!  So eventually they were ready for me in radiology for my swallow study.  See, after gastric bypass you can not eat or drink ANYTHING until you pass a barium swallow study.  Let me tell you how yummy that stuff was.  I almost vomited a little with each tiny sip i managed to choke down.

I'll tell ya, I felt like a brand new woman after they took the PCA off and put me on oral pain medication, and took my foley catheter out.  My husband said it was like a light switch.  Overall I had a wonderful experience.  I had my husband stay at the hospital with me two of the three nights because I was less than impressed with some of the night shift.  But that is no big deal you can't expect every single little thing to be perfect.  BIG PICTURE here people!  My surgery is over.  Now the hard part...real life.