Really not sure why I wait so long in between posts because I find this to be a great way to remember my journey and track my progress.  I started therapy last week and I am so glad that I did!  While the weight loss has been wonderful and quick, there is no way to completely fix my weight issues without fixing my head issues too.  My whole life I have been the fat girl.  I have been picked on relentlessly by people as a child and made to feel inferior as an adult.  My life however wouldn't be so filled with wonderful people if it weren't for that experience.  God gave me the challenges that he did to make me stronger and more accepting and I am thankful for that.  What I am not thankful for is having to rearrange my insides to get control of my weight and my eating.  That too has taught me a few lessons along the way as well and I continue to learn every day. 

With starting therapy I am learning how to accept myself for who I am.  I am learning that it is ok to be a little shell shocked when I look in the mirror because 140 lbs in 6 months is a lot of freaking weight!  It is scary though to see this change so rapidly.  Imagine for your self...What you have come to know of yourself for 28 years (or however long for yourself) is suddenly changed in such a short time.  You look different, you feel different, people interact with you differently...your WHOLE LIFE is different.  It takes a little getting used to. 

I read a post this week in one of my support groups and the person said something to the effect of that they didn't have the surgery to be a patient their whole life.  I really couldn't have said it better myself!  I did not have this surgery to eat like a patient for the rest of my life.  I had this surgery to help me gain control of the situation that is my weight and to help me learn to eat the way I was made to eat...to LIVE!  I have days where I eat a little too much junk and days where I don't exercise as much as I should, but ya know what, that is life!  I no longer suffer from hypertension, daily headaches, joint pain and severe back pain.  I would say that my joint pain is pretty much non existent and my back pain is minimal at most.

I have a little less than 100 lbs to get to my personal goal, and 72 lbs to get to my surgeons goal.  I can do this.  There is no time limit.  If for some reason I don't get there by the 1 year mark that is ok.  This isn't a quick fix and it takes time.  I have stalls and weeks (usually once a month) where I gain a pound or two for a week.  So be it!  So why beat myself up about it?  So my resolution (even though it's not new years) is to be kind to myself.  To love myself.  And to cut myself some slack and enjoy my life and stop freaking out about numbers.  I will continue to work towards my weight loss goals and in doing so hopefully teach Addie about eating healthy and still enjoying life!